Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Take your own advice.

Okay girls....Recently I have been giving advice etc and comments and I realised I never take my own advice.  How can I give support and advice to you lovely people If I can't even do it myself.  That is hypocritical right there.  So I am going to take my own advice and support along with all you lovely supporters as well of course who help me so much, more than use probably realise.  

Anyway today I binged and I mean binged.  I started well with vegetable soup 129cals, but I felt really faint so I bought a sandwich 303cals, then I went mad and ate a whole box of chocolate fingers. 650cals worth and I was in company so I couldn't even get rid D=. I drank two bottles of kopparberg pear at 220cal each. That makes todays total at: 1522cals.  Damn, thats a lot, the most I have in ages. My advice. Chin up girly and start again.  Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I restrict.  I have been asked to a formal which is in four weeks.  I will drop a dress size. I must. Run Run Run Fatso, exercise chubby and you will be beautiful and thin and everyone will love you.  Why thank-you my dear...May is a month for getting thin. Wow. P.s my old post, I got the picture of cake off the internet, I meant that I would eat it if I had it, but I would never let myself buy it, but it looked nice. xx
Who dosen't like motivational family guy. Also...
Sadly I am not a statue.


Tuesday, 26 April 2011

End of Exams

It's over...gone. First year of uni done. Except for placement, but no more exams or assignments XD.  Two months of working in schools will be very fun, I'm a little scared about what to eat.  Breakfast= cereal, Snack= Apple? Lunch=? then my mum will make dinner...I don't know how I am going to survive? I can't eat it but I must, I need energy and strength to last me all day? But i'll be fat? ahhhh...must not think about this.  I start next tuesday. 0_0. I am back at my old high school as well, this is going to be interesting. I would eat this cake(I wrote cat, published blog then re read it. lol I don't eat cats, who eats cats? dogs?. Im a person) to celebrate end of my exams...prob purge it but dang it's true.
Moving home on Thursday...and thank fuck for that, can't stand living in these stupid halls, with my stupid moaning flat mates.  Living on a famous street next year in Liverpool =] Won't say where, so I am excited about that and living with my class mates.

Oh and I did not have any easter eggs over easter...not a single one.  Last few days I have been eating alot...hitting the 900cal mark I think and yesterday was awful.  I think I hit around 1300cal. Yikes!  I haven't had time to count exactly recently.  I binned my food diary because If anyone found it at home...well I couldn't face that.  I'll start a new one in July when I am in my new flat, until then its guesstimating.  Today however I had 1/2 weight watchers pie. 149cal.  12 boiled brussel sprouts 96cal. Some peas. 50cal. Gravy 50cal.  Coffee. 5 cal.  That was my tea. Then I had a twirl 232cal and chewy sweets. 100cal fml. I tried to purge but I couldn't knowing that I would binge further so I stopped after one go and decided to just be fat. I couldn't resist, I have no will power. =[ Total : 682. eurgh please! Any much love as always xxx


Friday, 22 April 2011

Day 3 of 250 a day

Day 1= fail
Day 2 = fail
Day 3 = FUCK

Why can't I just do what I set out to do. Sometimes I hate having friends. I am sociable a lot of the time because I need friends, I need to be sociable.  Sometimes it pisses me off.  I celebrated the last of my exams with alcohol yesterday and dang what a waste of calories.  Well over 250.  I swear yesterday was an awful day, one of my worst in a while.  I ate/drank:  Two weetabix biscuits, small piece of spongebob cake, 1 x bulmers pear, 2 x kopperbergs pear, 1 x packet of tayto crisps.  Then I was a little drunk and came home and munched out.  =[ fml.  A whole packet of supernoodles, 20 brussel sprouts, a small yogurt, handful of fries with bbq sauce. Why oh fucking why.  Today will be better.  I am only going to have a plate of brussel sprouts and that is all.  I don't deserve anything else.  I hate this diet, it makes me feel like shit.  I can do 250 days but when I set out to do it I fail.  It's too much, too hard. I can't do it.  I give up.

I was so ashamed of myself I almost didn't post.  Good luck to the other girls though who are doing this aswell.  Hope it goes well for you guys xx.


Wednesday, 20 April 2011

250cals for ten days

I am so up for this 250 cal a day for ten days. No uni, no nothing to distract me. I need to pack but all the better to keep my mind at rest. I can do this.  We can do this.  I decided to try it along with a few others such as skinnylovexox.  Hope it goes well for everyone.  Hello summer. Goodbye baggy clothes.

Man did my first taking of hydroxycut make me feel ill as a dog.  I mean I couldn't move without feeling nauseous and my head killed.  However I did take 2 for my first time when I should have only took one to let my body get used to it.  On a bright note today I took one then an hour later another one and then I just took one.  I feel like I don't want to eat but I'm still hungry (if that makes sense) Nothing is luring me to eat, or tempting me, it just doesn't seem appetising.  I am going to have some of my favourite- diet coke- and see how that goes.  I need to do my assignments due in on Monday tonight and I don't want to go over 250 cals.  So far I have had:

Honeynut Corn Flakes with skimmed milk- 130 cals
Tea with skimmed milk- 5cals

That leaves me 115 for the rest of the day.  I have no idea what to eat that will keep it at 115 and let me have energy and not be hungry.  I think I will take another hydroxycut pill. 4 is the daily limit so I can take one more only.  I'll decide later.  Glee time xx


Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Hydroxycut Advanced

I bought Hydroxycut and I am looking forward to my lovely weight loss.  Well I hope so.  I just can't be fucked with the nasty side effects. Oh well skinny isn't easy.  Caffeine pills worked for my exams, kept me motivated and my brain ticking enough.  Off them now because these new diet pills have caffeine in them and I don't much fancy having a caffeine overdose...that would most definitely suck.

I know I aced my Chemistry and Biology exams.  Physics was a D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R! I'm annoyed the most that I get an overall mark between the three.  I would much rather have two A's and a . Not an overall C. Eurgh!  Don't care about English, thought I think I did okay.  Math is on thursday...meh not too bothered.  It's open book...can't be that hard.  I just love my science, can't wait to graduate and get a job! Will be amazing teaching little lovelies about science.  Although sometimes I think I shouldn't teach science (even thought I really really want to) because I would be hypocritical when it comes to diets and stuff.  I would teach them to be healthy thought. Not like me. Jeese I know.  Hopefully my brain works better by the time I graduate.  If anyone has experience with hydroxycut I appreciate feedback from it??

DietCokePlease xxx

Friday, 15 April 2011

Caffeine Pills

Another day of revision, gawd my life is so boring right now. I can't wait until I have time to run again. My weight just will not move down. So frustrating. I 've been eating so little and then I will have a 1000cal food day and bang my weight is where it started. Why oh why can't I get out of this endless cycle. Hopefully once I am home in Ireland I can do more exercise. The weather better be brilliant this summer.!

I bought caffeine pills because I am sick of being tired and having no energy and having to eat to compensate. It is only a trial run, so we will see how it works. I got them off ebay so you never know. I'll keep an update on how they make me feel, I will probably post at the end of this as an additional or something.

I feel so guilty so I must write this. I had such a bad day yesterday, I couldn't concentrate on my work, I got little revision done and I ate loads. Probably around 1200cals if not more. I felt so bad I even made myself run at half 11 last night to the 24 hour tesco to get cereal. The run was about 15 mins and then a 25 minute walk back. I felt dizzy and sick, but I have no idea why because it wasn't like I was lacking in food. If I was I would have welcomed the sick dizzy feeling as it would have meant I needed food. Eurgh, just eurgh!

I decided to break routine and get new cereal. It's honey nut kellogs and only 120cals per 100g so add 10cals for my skimmed milk. Plus my usual coffee which is 5cal. Breakfast time will be 130cal but that's okay because the new cereal is yummy.


Wednesday, 13 April 2011

246cal Quiche= Amazing

Another day to spend revising, only this time I'm going to have to hit the library because I get too distracted in my room.  Thankfully though I do have peace and quiet in my flat because all my housemates are away for spring break.  I'm sure this won't last until the end of the week, but hey fingers crossed.  Anyway today has been another productive day, just not revision wise but that's for later.  So far I've managed to have only my cereal and tea (the coffee I have isn't worth the wasted cals- I will buy some proper stuff soon, I forgot when I was at the shop....again) and YAY! I have red milk again. =D.  It's bliss.  Thats only 125cals for breakfast.

Plus I felt more energetic today than all week.  It must be my cold going- and thank goodness because I always seem to have the cold when it's about. Stupid Immune system.  It's only 5.40pm at the moment, so I still have all night to go. I will be up late revising, probably stuck in the 24 hour library, do goodness knows what time I will leave at.  I have a 246cal quiche in the oven, and it's not even that small.  It's amazing because I love quiches and pies of any kind, and I never eat them because they are so full of calories.  I also found a chicken and mushroom pie for 280 or something (can't remember the exact amount) I am going to have a slice of brown wholemeal bread with it- I love bread too much. 58cals (I found bread with 58cals per slice, and now I can't believe I even ate the 70cal per slice bread, seems like a waste of calories now. Oh well. That will give me a boost to begin my revision and then I have prepared another amazing 200cal tuna sandwich for brain power for later tonight, when I lose concentration. Though I did munch a lot of tuna and some sweetcorn when making it, maybe 50cals. I also had a 20cal werther original, man do I love toffee.  So todays total should be - fingers crossed I do not eat any chocolate etc later in the library. I will try my hardest not too! I will be strong.
 Total= 699 cals. The pic isn't the same flavour etc but same brand etc.

I know I could do better and not the eat the sandwich but revision needs concentration. P.s I got the quiche from tesco's. It's the weightwatchers brand.


Tuesday, 12 April 2011

Binge Dreams??

For the last two nights I have been having dreams about eating the most unsafe ridiculous foods.  In my dreams I feel anxious eating the foods but I still eat it and taste it.  I then wake up and feel awesome because it was only a dream.  I love these dreams, it feels like a real binge but it isn't.  The only down side I usually wake up craving chocolate. (my main binge food) Usually I don't have any around and so I get over it, but this morning I have 5 pieces of a bar lying in the fridge from a previous binge and I just had to eat it.  I didn't even purge- mostly because I hate purging chocolate.  I rounded it to approx 150cals.  My usual yummy cereal with green milk this time. (it's the only milk they had at the time, which made me a little distressed, but I would be more distressed without my cereal) 150cals.  Tea 20cals.  Usually I have a cup of coffee from the jar, but I ran out and again I rummaged my cupboard for whatever I had and found these 75cal per cup coffee 3 in 1 things.  Desperate for caffeine I decided to have one, which I am currently drinking.  It's very sweet, it has sugar mixed in before hand so I couldn't remove it, and I never have sugar in my drinks so very very sweet to me.  Hopefully it keeps my sweet tooth at bay.  Feels like a waste of cals though because I can have a cup for 5 cals with skimmed milk. Oh well.  I am revising and need brain food, my exams are too important to fuck up.  So I will probably make a tuna sandwich later with brown bread and no butter.  I put this at approximately 200cals.  I am not actually hungry, so this food will be for brain power and not to satisfy my hunger, which I am pleased with.

Todays total: 595cals
I could have definitely made this better without the wasteful cals- chocolate, high cal coffee and semi skimmed milk.
On a more important note.  Its that time of year again, when I have to hit the books.  Exams in less than a week and I've barely revised much. Biology, Physics, Chemistry, Core Science, Maths and English.  It's going to be exhaustive, but at least it will keep me from thinking about food.  Also I appreciate all the comments, they really make my day, especially the last one.  Good advice that I shall definitely take.  =]  Okay must revise.


Monday, 11 April 2011

What a joke!

Wellll, I am back in beautiful England! I talked myself into going on the tour.  This other girl and me thought we would make the best of it. 30 hour coach ride....I can handle that.  What I can't handle is being stranded in coventry at some service station on a motorway for 15 hours because our coach broke down!  It id just ridiculous.  our tour guide kept phoning to find out what was happening, but the company are fucking liars, telling us that a coach would pick us up every hour. Apparently all there reserves were taken up (they have 4 to cover 96) so they were trying to find us a coach from a different company to drive last minute to salou.  In the end I said fuck it and went home, with the other girl.  Plus I ate so much because I was that bored.  My alcohol ran out so I couldn't get drunk and go with it.

Anyway that was Saturday and it's Monday now.  Yesterday I had a bow of cereal which i have no idea the amount of calories because I was eating it from someone else's house and could not check, but it was with skimmed milk.  I'd say about the same as mine as it was corn flakes of some kind.  I'l go with 150cals just in case.  Then I decided I felt like shit, no spain to keep thin for etc so I thought I'd gorb out all day. I ate a sandwich and had a bowl of super noodles. =[  I felt disgusting and couldn't manage to stop myself hitting the toilet.  Oh well, at least i'll be thin....probably not.  I went to bed and I slept the rest of the day and all night until now.  It is 11.25am.  Eeesh.  I slept for 20 hours! At least I haven't been eating.

I have lost my routine with this and that and I am afraid to weigh I won't.  I am going to watch the latest episode of, 'bones' in my lovely oneise.


Thursday, 7 April 2011

Slightly depressed

Urgh, all my hard work ruined!! One stupid week at home with everyone and I am back where I started.  I need to have more self control.  I need to stop eating.  I need to exercise more.  I need to puke more.  I need to revise.  I need to do my assignments.  I need to get a job.  I need money. Why is my life so fucking depressing right now.  Oh yea I know, because I can't control my own will. I am weak.  I must be stronger!    Yes that picture really is me!

On a brighter note, I bought the book, 'wasted' by Marya Hornbacher.  Hoepfully it will keep me busy and inspire me to stop being a pig.  I'm back alone for a day then I am away to spain for a week.  Doubt I'll eat much there because I don't really like the foods there.  Alcohol will be the killer.  I don't even want to go, I want to stay here and starve and be alone, but I don't want to leave one of the girls alone because we only went because the other one was going.  We are going with a team and most of them are your usual orange blobs with big hair and loud voices  Intriguing.  Anyway much loves as always. xx

DietCokePlease xxx