Saturday

Today has been a good day.  I got up early and went to the gym.  Burned 1000kcals.  Will be sore tomorrow.  Plus I am starting my new job tomorrow. I obv didn't think this through. Maybe a hot shower will help. =S

Sorry to disappoint but I have had chocolate today. Two bars. The shame.  I had a flake (135) before the gym for energy, and a fudge (110) after.  So its half 4 and my total is 250.  It won't be my final total though because I am going to have tea at around 6ish.  What to have though? =/ 

Lots of uni work to haul through.  My friend C sat her dental nurse exam today so hopefully she has passed, its good though because now I get my friend back.  Before she studied all the time.  We play black ops online. Its fun. 

Dietcokepleasexxx

Happy title

Phew...I am happy today.  I kicked my ass in gear and headed to the gym. Students have free membership as long as they go before 4pm.  Good session. Hopefully now that I've started going back I can keep to it.  Going tomorrow before uni as well. Probably won't be as good as today.

I burned 500, plus 20 minutes walking and then some crunches and squats. When counting what I eat  I always round up. My calories intake for today is 490cals.  For breakfast I had two small slices of wholemeal toast. (120) with low fat butter and marmalade (30).  Then I had porridge with skimmed milk after the gym with the smallest amount of honey =] (160) At around 7ish I'll have a bowl of vegetable soup (190) for tea.  

I guess overal that would give me -10 cals as a net amount.  Though I don't think Ill deduct exercise otherwise Ill end up eating more...then were would it stop.  So I'm going with 490ish for today. Wicked. Tomorrow will most likely be higher, I'm in uni till 5. 

I find this image motivating when I am are struggling. Be it in the gym or emotionally or when I am hungry. 

DietCokePleasexxx

Exyraosjduknadsdg

My head is sore. I am fed up researching.  I've spent at least 20 hours working on a 1400 word assignment. It's due tomorrow and I am almost finished. Uni is hard people.  Essays have to be completely referenced which is the longest part.  I could easily write difficulties in math from my head etc but noo I have to reference everything from journals and books etc.  On the bright side it has distracted me from thinking of food.  I didn't even realise it was so late.

I am really jealous and appreciate the hard work put in of all those fabulous girls out there who are amazing at maths. Oh well Science is my forte. Possibly not the math is physics lol. Team geeks

Been a good day so far. Ive had fruit n fibre cereal (for an extra boost on bowel movements) sorry TMI there but I'm sure that I am not the only one who has this problem lol. Anywho had that with red milk...you know the good kind, and a cup of green tea with a drop of honey and coffee for brain power. I aprrox total at 250ish. I plan on having a bowel of veg soup at 100 cals Il go 150 cals to be sure incase I end up having a different flavour.  So i'm approximating my total at 400cals for today.  I'l post later to be sure. I usually don't post during the day but at night when my day is finished, but I need a break from doing Math and I feel like sharing.  Love all my lovely ladies who follow me xx

7.23pm

Okay So I'm edited in my food.  I had scotch broth soup at (170) a tin. Plus a round of unbuttered wholemeal bread (60),  So total 500cals 

DietCokePlease xxx

Eat Less Scales

After the last two days I needed today.  I have been pure gorbing! I had over 1000cals both yesterday adn the day before. Not good.  Not good at all.  It's okay though because I'm back on the wagon and restricting.  Today has been good.  Not my best but still good.

Breakfast I had toast (60) with marmalade (25).  For tea I had a skinless chicken breast fillet (200) with some parsnip, sprouts and peas, approx (170) in total, and a class of coke (105).  Total: 560cals.  Feels like a lot.  Probably because most of the cals came from one sitting. Oh well. I could do so much better without the coke, but it gives me more energy and I need energy to get some uni work done tonight.  It's near half 8 at night so thats me finished. 

These scales would be amazing to own. Sure would be good motivation.

Dietcokepleasexxx

I'm so stupid!

Got 56%  in my teaching & learning assignment. How crap. I cried for an hour!  Not a good start to year 2 at uni. I'm so stupid! I tried so hard though. Grrrr. I did some maths work today. Pretty boring but it has to be done. Prob do crap on it too. =[

Day 2 of my Nov/Dec diet.  Still going good. Restricted under 500 went for a run, did some exercise. heraa  heraa. It's only an approx, not down to the exact cal, but I always round up rather than down. =]

Toast (60) no butter, splash of marmalade (25) for breakfast.  Then for tea I had a grilled chicken breast (180) with 24 sprouts (90) Yes I love my sprouts. Low cal and totally yum! Some coke to drink (50) Need to start drinking diet coke again. I'm addicted to fat coke! =[ Anywho. Total - 405cals.

Got the new Percy Jackson book. (Yes I love childrens/teens fiction) XD.  Going to read it tonight

Dietcokepleasexxx

Coca Rocha

So today has been good calorie wise. Mostly because I bought the new Call of Duty game. Modern Warfare 3. It is brilliant and has distracted me from food. I love looking at food though so I did watch four episodes of, 'Come Dine with me.'  Its a british series where 4/5 strangers meet up and throw dinner parties and compete for £1000. I love to look at all their meals. Very satisfying. 

Today's stats (approx)

For breakfast I had toast (60) with some marmalade (25) and a cup of tea with red milk (5). Then I had a cup of tea later on (5). For dinner I had two rounds of toast (120) no butter, and 1/2 tin of beans (120) with a glass of coke (75).  Total -  400cals

It's almost half 10 at night so I'm finished for today.  Also I took one hydroxycut tablet. Which is little compared to what your meant to take which is 4 a day.  If I could take 4 I would. You know 2 in the morning and 2 in the evening. However they make me sick if I take that many.  They do work though. =]

Some thinspo of one of my fav models. Coco Rocha queen of the pose <3

Dietcokepleasexxx

Missed Every1 -Sorry

Hi,  First of - sorry I have not posted in months.  I feel ashamed, I thought I  could get better without posting. I can't and I need this, I need support.  Weight gain = is not better, I feel like shit.  So I'm back down to 117lbs. Still striving for 100. Naturally.

I am in my second year at uni - oh the joy- it's so much harder.  You know what made me relapse and realise I need this. I did so bad on my first assignment of the year.  I just scraped a pass. Barely. =[ My school work suffered less when I was happy not eating much, but when I try to eat stress free = more stress. Oh the endless cycle.  

So yes I'm hoping you guys are still here for me =]. I will support use again. Hope to hear from everyone.  I forgot how much I enjoyed sharing my life. =]

DietCokePlease x

Ima be a godmama!!

So I haven't blogged in a while. I even checked my diary and I haven't written in it in 4 weeks!  I guess I was a mixture of having hardly any time to myself for a while and being ashamed.  I am home and I swear I cannot control myself! I just can't.  I am always good during the morning in placement.  I keep my calorie to around 400-500.  Then I go home and my mum makes me eat dinner err, and I want to so really it's my fault.  I feel so fat. fml.   

Good news though that makes me want to change slightly is that I'm gonna be a godmama. XD I wana be the best godmama eva! Im not religious, but which godparents really are these days, besides I googled it and I am so excited.  My friend S has just found out she is pregnant. 7 weeks or so.  Due date is in January.    qwjfhiuahfuehgiahgoaehgohgowhegqwfnpqeuwhf;nug

Ahh bittersweet....why can't I be normal? and just enjoy everything without constantly calorie counting. meh!  I don't want go back to uni in Liverpool because I want to stay and help my friend with her baby and be around for it, but I also want my degree and I know when I live away from my parents I can restrict easily. Decisions decisions...

Anyway sorry about not blogging....I am going to catch up on all your lovely blogs now. xx

DietCokePlease xxx

Shopping and Laddergoat!

So today, I went shopping to Asda.  It was good, I got all the foods I like.  I got low cal vegetable soup, apples, veggies, red milk.  Low cal snacks etc etc.  Yep my week is hopefully going to be a good one. I binged out today, but I didn't purge. Good, my teeth were pleased with me.  Probably not my stomach though, but who they fucks cares! I care, I do. Oh well.  Anyway, I did binge today, yes it was easy, and damn am I guilty now.  Meh it's Sunday, therefore haaaugggge Sunday dinner.  I made my mum give me lots and lots of veg so I could fill myself up and it was easy because I love brussel sprouts.  Then I just ate chocolate, and I won't lie it was nice. Too much, but nice.  Tomorrow is Monday, so lets have a nice week will we, a nice restricting week, full of restrictyness. That's not even a word.  It is now.  It's in my blog so it  has to be a word. >_< Yeeeah!   



I watched a very random video on you tube. "Oh you, Ladder goat, You so random," It will make you laugh and laugh and will certainly brighten your dullest days.  SEARCH & WATCH IT!! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggB33d0BLcY

DietCokePleasexxx

I made one week!

One week of no purging...achievement.  Hopefully I can keep it up, also as I am trying not to purge I have pressured myself to restrict more as I know I have no other option as an out if I overeat.  I do have my hard times and eat way more than I should, then I have days were I find it very very easy.  I wish I had an in between.  Hell I wish I could just not eat, then everything would be perfect, I would have total self control. 

I feel in control today. Although I know if I eat now I will lose all control so me no eaty. It is 11pm and my calorie count is 410cals. This is mainly because I didn't go into my placement today, so I slept in later, hence no eating.  I am so happy of myself today.  I feel like I achieved a lot.  I worked a 3 hour shift in the chinese and I didn't eat anything.  I get a free meal and didn;t even take it =], it wasn't even tempting, there was no mind games going on in my head trying to convince myself not to eat.

Came home I got into bed and caught up on all my programmes. (glee, vampire diaries, bones and of course ANTM- which I can't fucking believe that Alexandria went home, should have been Hannah!.Tyra said to Alexandria, "You have too much control" What!  #!%^&$!! Fuck. Control is good! I wanted to cry! ahhh Goddammit I wanted her to win! Im rooting for Molly now, she may be grumpy a lot but damn she is gorgeous! and I sorta just love her, she brings out my gay side sometimes. lol. ) My mum then bought the whole house pizza.  I declined, it was easy. I am happy.  Then my mum gave me two sausages for my to feed to my dog, I smelt them.  It was enough.  I am happy. Success.

DietCokePleasexxx

Wednesday Wonder

I don't know why I made my title so poetic, I guess I'm in a good mood. A lazy mood but happy enough. I am chilled out on my bed with my beautiful jack russell terrier M trying to distract myself from doing work XD.  I have had 626 cals today, and I hope to not eat anymore.  I feel it's an achievement even though it is only 7.30pm.  I usually can make it to this time with less cals but I am never up from 7am, so really I have had 626cals over a 12 hour period which I think is good.  I hope my will power will carry me through until tomorrow when I can have my yummy fruit and fibre cereal.  I bought the kellogs brand at 152cals per bowl, but I am going to round it up to 200cals because in my house is only full fat milk. Ewwk. I must buy red,   I just don't want my family to think anything if I do. 

I haven't purged since Friday. One week is my target! I hope I can make it because I really do want to keep my teeth, and diet coke and purging certainly do not help with this.  Though recently I have cut down on the diet coke because it gives me really bad stomach cramps and makes loud noises in my stomach after a few hours of drinking it.  So just water now, but I love evian water so it's all good.  That's toothless the night fury- great movie, but if I don't change I'l end up matching the cute night fury. 

I have no scales, I cannot weigh myself, it's frustrating, but If I fail I can't see the numbers so I guess it's easier to get back up on the horse and go for round 600.  My lovely ladies who comment, use are my saddle and when I fall you guys help me so much and I can't thank use enough for understanding and not judging.  It's great to blog and go on PT where people who really understand support each other.  Much love as always.

Ohh and placement day 2 went well, a tad boring.  I have to now spend 2 hours making a lesson plan for a 20 minute lesson I will teach...eurgh where is the logic! 

DietCokePleasexx

Ironic? Diets & Healthy eating

Today was my first day of placement at schools teaching science.  I mainly observed.  Unit of work the students I was with were working on: Diets & Healthy Eating. Ironic isn't it.  The teacher went through some things about being obese and being underweight.  The pupils were then given the opportunity to find out there BMI, some did and some didn't.  Girls screamed and of course caused drama about knowing there weight, boys couldn't really give a shit. Me I just stood there staring at the scales like an idiot.  On the board was the words, 'Out of Control.'  It really hit me how out of control I have been lately, I have been eating like a pig and I need to get my control back.  I need to find a punishment to stop me eating. I must. I have probably gained the weight of an elephant and more. I can't cut, I'm not at that place and hope to never be as I see the struggles and pain of some of my beautiful ladies on here. Plus I'm supposed to be a role model for young pupils especially the young ladies.  One girl bless her freaked out today because she weighed more than the other girls, I honestly felt her pain, she looked so sad and seriously stressed.  Also I was ashamed of myself. Ashamed because I was jealous of the skinnier girls, skinnier than me, even though they were smaller they weighed less and I just wanted to bad to weigh the same if not lower.  I keep asking myself, 'How can I be a role model to these young girls if I don't eat healthy.'  

Oh well, more on the subject tomorrow. Apart from that I enjoyed my placement, a little boring just observing at times but I honestly cannot wait to teach science fully.  I get to teach a 20 minute class on materials on Thursday. Super excited for that. 

DietCokePleasexxx

Obama 1 Osama 0

This defo tops my usual food related posts. Obama 1 Osama 0.  My thoughts are still with those who were affected by 9/11, and Osama Bin Laden got what he deserved. America and UK well done. Hopefully our soldiers will be home sooner now <3 xx

Also got to give my congrats to the Royal Family, especially the beautiful Kate & William.  Haha they were giving free train rides on Mersey rail if you were named Kate or William. Im Molly. Damn!

Back to a less important topic(under these circumstances) -My social life is killing me.  I have been home five days and for five days I have pigged out.  I don't even know why I ate half of the time because I wasn't hungry.  I was having supper, snacks, anything you name it I had.  I had easter eggs after easter.  I did so well with no eggs all easter then I cam home and my mum gave me two. TWO!! I ate them both...and a pizza.  I can't even bare to think what I must weigh. I feel like all my hard work is down the drain.  

Tomorrow I start my placement at schools and I am in from 8 till 4ish.  What the fuck am I going to eat? Never mind that part because I am so nervous.  I don't know how to teach teenagers, I barely feel older than one myself, I only turned 20 last month.  I just hope all goes well and I gain the confidence to be strong around these teens, after all nobody likes the subs or teaching assistants, so I doubt they will give me a break being a trainee teacher.  Phew hopefully I can take it all in my stride.  Maybe being younger will help me relate to them.  We shall see. 

DietCokePleasexxx

Take your own advice.

Okay girls....Recently I have been giving advice etc and comments and I realised I never take my own advice.  How can I give support and advice to you lovely people If I can't even do it myself.  That is hypocritical right there.  So I am going to take my own advice and support along with all you lovely supporters as well of course who help me so much, more than use probably realise.  

Anyway today I binged and I mean binged.  I started well with vegetable soup 129cals, but I felt really faint so I bought a sandwich 303cals, then I went mad and ate a whole box of chocolate fingers. 650cals worth and I was in company so I couldn't even get rid D=. I drank two bottles of kopparberg pear at 220cal each. That makes todays total at: 1522cals.  Damn, thats a lot, the most I have in ages. My advice. Chin up girly and start again.  Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I restrict.  I have been asked to a formal which is in four weeks.  I will drop a dress size. I must. Run Run Run Fatso, exercise chubby and you will be beautiful and thin and everyone will love you.  Why thank-you my dear...May is a month for getting thin. Wow. P.s my old post, I got the picture of cake off the internet, I meant that I would eat it if I had it, but I would never let myself buy it, but it looked nice. xx

Who dosen't like motivational family guy. Also...
Sadly I am not a statue.

DietCokePleasexxx

End of Exams

It's over...gone. First year of uni done. Except for placement, but no more exams or assignments XD.  Two months of working in schools will be very fun, I'm a little scared about what to eat.  Breakfast= cereal, Snack= Apple? Lunch=? then my mum will make dinner...I don't know how I am going to survive? I can't eat it but I must, I need energy and strength to last me all day? But i'll be fat? ahhhh...must not think about this.  I start next tuesday. 0_0. I am back at my old high school as well, this is going to be interesting. I would eat this cake(I wrote cat, published blog then re read it. lol I don't eat cats, who eats cats? dogs?. Im a person) to celebrate end of my exams...prob purge it but dang it's true.

Moving home on Thursday...and thank fuck for that, can't stand living in these stupid halls, with my stupid moaning flat mates.  Living on a famous street next year in Liverpool =] Won't say where, so I am excited about that and living with my class mates.

Oh and I did not have any easter eggs over easter...not a single one.  Last few days I have been eating alot...hitting the 900cal mark I think and yesterday was awful.  I think I hit around 1300cal. Yikes!  I haven't had time to count exactly recently.  I binned my food diary because If anyone found it at home...well I couldn't face that.  I'll start a new one in July when I am in my new flat, until then its guesstimating.  Today however I had 1/2 weight watchers pie. 149cal.  12 boiled brussel sprouts 96cal. Some peas. 50cal. Gravy 50cal.  Coffee. 5 cal.  That was my tea. Then I had a twirl 232cal and chewy sweets. 100cal fml. I tried to purge but I couldn't knowing that I would binge further so I stopped after one go and decided to just be fat. I couldn't resist, I have no will power. =[ Total : 682. eurgh please! Any much love as always xxx

DietCokePleasexxx

Day 3 of 250 a day

Day 1= fail
Day 2 = fail
Day 3 = FUCK

Why can't I just do what I set out to do. Sometimes I hate having friends. I am sociable a lot of the time because I need friends, I need to be sociable.  Sometimes it pisses me off.  I celebrated the last of my exams with alcohol yesterday and dang what a waste of calories.  Well over 250.  I swear yesterday was an awful day, one of my worst in a while.  I ate/drank:  Two weetabix biscuits, small piece of spongebob cake, 1 x bulmers pear, 2 x kopperbergs pear, 1 x packet of tayto crisps.  Then I was a little drunk and came home and munched out.  =[ fml.  A whole packet of supernoodles, 20 brussel sprouts, a small yogurt, handful of fries with bbq sauce. Why oh fucking why.  Today will be better.  I am only going to have a plate of brussel sprouts and that is all.  I don't deserve anything else.  I hate this diet, it makes me feel like shit.  I can do 250 days but when I set out to do it I fail.  It's too much, too hard. I can't do it.  I give up.



I was so ashamed of myself I almost didn't post.  Good luck to the other girls though who are doing this aswell.  Hope it goes well for you guys xx.

DietCokePleasexxx

250cals for ten days

I am so up for this 250 cal a day for ten days. No uni, no nothing to distract me. I need to pack but all the better to keep my mind at rest. I can do this.  We can do this.  I decided to try it along with a few others such as skinnylovexox.  Hope it goes well for everyone.  Hello summer. Goodbye baggy clothes.

Man did my first taking of hydroxycut make me feel ill as a dog.  I mean I couldn't move without feeling nauseous and my head killed.  However I did take 2 for my first time when I should have only took one to let my body get used to it.  On a bright note today I took one then an hour later another one and then I just took one.  I feel like I don't want to eat but I'm still hungry (if that makes sense) Nothing is luring me to eat, or tempting me, it just doesn't seem appetising.  I am going to have some of my favourite- diet coke- and see how that goes.  I need to do my assignments due in on Monday tonight and I don't want to go over 250 cals.  So far I have had:

Honeynut Corn Flakes with skimmed milk- 130 cals

Tea with skimmed milk- 5cals

That leaves me 115 for the rest of the day.  I have no idea what to eat that will keep it at 115 and let me have energy and not be hungry.  I think I will take another hydroxycut pill. 4 is the daily limit so I can take one more only.  I'll decide later.  Glee time xx

DietCokePleasexxx

Hydroxycut Advanced

I bought Hydroxycut and I am looking forward to my lovely weight loss.  Well I hope so.  I just can't be fucked with the nasty side effects. Oh well skinny isn't easy.  Caffeine pills worked for my exams, kept me motivated and my brain ticking enough.  Off them now because these new diet pills have caffeine in them and I don't much fancy having a caffeine overdose...that would most definitely suck.

I know I aced my Chemistry and Biology exams.  Physics was a D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R! I'm annoyed the most that I get an overall mark between the three.  I would much rather have two A's and a . Not an overall C. Eurgh!  Don't care about English, thought I think I did okay.  Math is on thursday...meh not too bothered.  It's open book...can't be that hard.  I just love my science, can't wait to graduate and get a job! Will be amazing teaching little lovelies about science.  Although sometimes I think I shouldn't teach science (even thought I really really want to) because I would be hypocritical when it comes to diets and stuff.  I would teach them to be healthy thought. Not like me. Jeese I know.  Hopefully my brain works better by the time I graduate.  If anyone has experience with hydroxycut I appreciate feedback from it??

DietCokePlease xxx

Caffeine Pills

Another day of revision, gawd my life is so boring right now. I can't wait until I have time to run again. My weight just will not move down. So frustrating. I 've been eating so little and then I will have a 1000cal food day and bang my weight is where it started. Why oh why can't I get out of this endless cycle. Hopefully once I am home in Ireland I can do more exercise. The weather better be brilliant this summer.!

I bought caffeine pills because I am sick of being tired and having no energy and having to eat to compensate. It is only a trial run, so we will see how it works. I got them off ebay so you never know. I'll keep an update on how they make me feel, I will probably post at the end of this as an additional or something.

I feel so guilty so I must write this. I had such a bad day yesterday, I couldn't concentrate on my work, I got little revision done and I ate loads. Probably around 1200cals if not more. I felt so bad I even made myself run at half 11 last night to the 24 hour tesco to get cereal. The run was about 15 mins and then a 25 minute walk back. I felt dizzy and sick, but I have no idea why because it wasn't like I was lacking in food. If I was I would have welcomed the sick dizzy feeling as it would have meant I needed food. Eurgh, just eurgh!

I decided to break routine and get new cereal. It's honey nut kellogs and only 120cals per 100g so add 10cals for my skimmed milk. Plus my usual coffee which is 5cal. Breakfast time will be 130cal but that's okay because the new cereal is yummy.

DietCokePleasexxx

246cal Quiche= Amazing

Another day to spend revising, only this time I'm going to have to hit the library because I get too distracted in my room.  Thankfully though I do have peace and quiet in my flat because all my housemates are away for spring break.  I'm sure this won't last until the end of the week, but hey fingers crossed.  Anyway today has been another productive day, just not revision wise but that's for later.  So far I've managed to have only my cereal and tea (the coffee I have isn't worth the wasted cals- I will buy some proper stuff soon, I forgot when I was at the shop....again) and YAY! I have red milk again. =D.  It's bliss.  Thats only 125cals for breakfast.

Plus I felt more energetic today than all week.  It must be my cold going- and thank goodness because I always seem to have the cold when it's about. Stupid Immune system.  It's only 5.40pm at the moment, so I still have all night to go. I will be up late revising, probably stuck in the 24 hour library, do goodness knows what time I will leave at.  I have a 246cal quiche in the oven, and it's not even that small.  It's amazing because I love quiches and pies of any kind, and I never eat them because they are so full of calories.  I also found a chicken and mushroom pie for 280 or something (can't remember the exact amount) I am going to have a slice of brown wholemeal bread with it- I love bread too much. 58cals (I found bread with 58cals per slice, and now I can't believe I even ate the 70cal per slice bread, seems like a waste of calories now. Oh well. That will give me a boost to begin my revision and then I have prepared another amazing 200cal tuna sandwich for brain power for later tonight, when I lose concentration. Though I did munch a lot of tuna and some sweetcorn when making it, maybe 50cals. I also had a 20cal werther original, man do I love toffee.  So todays total should be - fingers crossed I do not eat any chocolate etc later in the library. I will try my hardest not too! I will be strong.
 Total= 699 cals. The pic isn't the same flavour etc but same brand etc.



I know I could do better and not the eat the sandwich but revision needs concentration. P.s I got the quiche from tesco's. It's the weightwatchers brand.  http://www.tesco.com/groceries/Product/Details/?id=268161421

DietCokePlease