Today was my first day of placement at schools teaching science. I mainly observed. Unit of work the students I was with were working on: Diets & Healthy Eating. Ironic isn't it. The teacher went through some things about being obese and being underweight. The pupils were then given the opportunity to find out there BMI, some did and some didn't. Girls screamed and of course caused drama about knowing there weight, boys couldn't really give a shit. Me I just stood there staring at the scales like an idiot. On the board was the words, 'Out of Control.' It really hit me how out of control I have been lately, I have been eating like a pig and I need to get my control back. I need to find a punishment to stop me eating. I must. I have probably gained the weight of an elephant and more. I can't cut, I'm not at that place and hope to never be as I see the struggles and pain of some of my beautiful ladies on here. Plus I'm supposed to be a role model for young pupils especially the young ladies. One girl bless her freaked out today because she weighed more than the other girls, I honestly felt her pain, she looked so sad and seriously stressed. Also I was ashamed of myself. Ashamed because I was jealous of the skinnier girls, skinnier than me, even though they were smaller they weighed less and I just wanted to bad to weigh the same if not lower. I keep asking myself, 'How can I be a role model to these young girls if I don't eat healthy.'
Oh well, more on the subject tomorrow. Apart from that I enjoyed my placement, a little boring just observing at times but I honestly cannot wait to teach science fully. I get to teach a 20 minute class on materials on Thursday. Super excited for that.
DietCokePleasexxx
Hey, that sounds awesome,
ReplyDeletesorry to hear though that you found the scales thing so hard :[ but, that's soo awesome that you won't cut. i really admire that :]
good luck for thursday sweetie :] love you xxxx
Cool for the teaching bit on Thursday. I hope it goes well. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry the scales were so hard for you (and for all the other girls). I can't believe they had to weigh in front of their peers. That would be mortifying for me. It's so hard not to judge yourself against others but just remember, you are you. You are your own person. You are unique. I like how you said "how can I be a role model for these girls if I don't eat healthy?" Keep thinking about that.
yay for teaching ont thursday that will b fun and a great experience
ReplyDeletei think if i had to weigh in front of a bunch of ppl i would b even morefucked up then i am now
u willl b a great role modle i know it