Hi, so this is my new blog for my new start. I am currently dealing with my own eating disorder. Not diagnosed, but I'm going to go with EDNOS. Basically I'm not thin enough to be anorexic, don't purge enough to be bulimic and just basically fucked up inside. I choose to be like this, but I can't make myself change, I can't escape the feelings when I try. People who are suffer similar to me will understand. It's always a choice, but it's one that sometimes we can't physically change.
Anyway now that I have justified myself -if you could call it that- I am 19, female and from the UK. I have battled with my ED for a while, it started when I was in high school, when I desired to be thin. Of course the parents began to notice, and I was too scared off what might happen if I was caught (purging etc) so, life went normal from then. I moved away from home, and now with no pressures to keep my family happy, I am free to do as I please, and so the story begins....
Today. Its been a long day, I have consumed my avg cals a day which is around the 700 mark. I always have my healthy breakfast to kick start my metabolism. (this is my only guiltless meal) I had tesco's brand cereal of wheat and fibre. Just to mention it has raisons, which I hate, so these were removed before consumption. I don't remove any cals from the count as I doubt they count much. With skimmed milk, I put at approx of 130 cals. I enjoy this meal very much, I don't feel guilty and as it is high in fibre, protein and what not, it keeps hunger at bay. Of course this hunger always creeps it's way back eventually.
Coffee & Skimmed milk - 5cals
Full packed of super-noodles (I usually try to keep this to half a packet) - 360cals
Packet of Softmints- 170cals
Chewy sweet - 50cals
This gives me a total of 715 cals for the day- disgusting!!
Since this is my first post, I want to catch everything up. I have a weekly weigh in and comparison table etc which is every Saturday. I start my week from Sunday. This is a new technique I started a week and half a go. So basically I have a food diary and I put all my cals into it. I don't count exercise for a net amount, any exercise is a bonus. (I can't be fucked with the whole minus cals to get net amount, I just go by what I eat as a marker) Anyway back on point, thus far I have only had one week results. To do this I find my required weekly cal amount from the internet (this changes as my weight changes) Week 1 I was 126lbs so my required cal intake was 12180 (1740 per day), and for the 7 days Sat-Sat I ate 6481, therefore I was 5699 cals under. Still not happy with it. Being 125lbs my new required cal intake is 12145 a week. This week I need to be more than 5699 to be under to accomplish anything. Highly unlikely, being the fat cow that I am I had a mad night out drinking (Alcohol is bad- It makes you fat, it has lots of cals) Cal intake for that day was 2206 cals. FML!
Anyway I paid for this with a 518cal day and 382cal day. It's all i can do right now, but I'm trying. I won't blog this much in a single post, it's only because it is my first post. I would really enjoy to read other blogs and for people to read mine. So please don't hesitate to contact me. =]