Saturday, 26 March 2011

Out of Control

I seriously have no self control when I have company...why can't I be alone.  Soo news just in, just broke up with my boyfriend and he is still here.  He wants to finish the stay and since it was a nice breaking up, I of course agreed. why oh why? So food has been totally out of control lately, and I mean mega.  I have been puking my guts out in the cinema toilets, library toilets, shower and anywhere else handy.  I have eaten soo much that I just go on binges now because I say, 'fuck it' after eating one unhealthy thing.  I don;t even know the calories I have ate, probably a gazillion, thankfully I probably have only actually put a little to my thighs.  I can't even tell because I can't get my scales out to check! grrr please just go home! He is asleep now, but I don't think I could get them without waking him because they are hidden under my bench beside the bed. It's friggin stressing me out not knowing my weight. I just hope I've lost something, but deep down I know I haven't because I haven't the weak feeling in a while, a little dizzyness but not much.  Maybe that's what bulimia is like....? Who know's but it's awful having these binges...I want to restrict it feels safer and Im more comfortable with it, but I need to be alone...Goddammit!
Rant does this to me.


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