Parents cook the most awful food

Being home is great, I feel chillaxed.  I get to spend time with my dog Molly and see all my friends again.  The only pressure is food.  My mom makes dinner and expects everyone to eat it, and it tastes awful so it's not even worth eating, but I try to make my family happy.   I also haven't been able to keep up with calories counting because my food diary is back at my flat, so I have been guessing stuff and trying to keep a note in my head.  It's very frustrating.  Also as I have been eating full meals I have been having frequent, 'baths' hence the quote marks, meaning spending most of the time hanging over the toilet and having quick baths.  I hate purging, but it's my only option. I feel bulimia taking a strong point this week.  Today we had chinese food and I ate sweet and sour chicken, it was soo nice but it makes me feel like a fat shit after it and my stomach is sore when I have normal food amounts that I used to eat....I guess it's shrank.  I hate having food in my stomach unless it's very little, it feel's very bad and heavy.  I prefer to be empty and perfect, I wish I could float away.  This is my guesstimate for today;

Onion Ring Crisps: 82cals
Thick homemade veg soup: 200cals
4x cookies: 200cals
2x tea with full fat milk (mum buys it): 50cals

Total: 532cals


Yesterday was awful though;

Kids chicken bite meal from burger king: 400cals
Cup of wkd: 100cals
3x coors light: 297cals
Bikers crisps: 69cals
Taco Chip: 400cals
Sweets: 50cals

Total: 1396cals







DietCokePleasexxx

Back to Eire

Thank-you for your comments. =] I know it's a new a blog but I really appreciate all the comments, and to put it simply, if you support me I will support you.

This post isn't really focused on my ED but a brief on my day, because today I feel like sharing.  So today the girlies from my class bought me a birthday present, and amazing glee bed sheet for my double bed next year. (We are all moving in together) Thank-you R,S & L.  I really loved it and I love glee.  It was perfect, and it really made my day after having a not so good birthday.  I got really drunk last night, but It was on vodka and diet soda, and I only consumed about 600cals all day.  I am going back to Ireland tomorrow to visit my family for the week and to go to the westlife concert.  Exciting.  Restricting should be easy at home, because I can keep myself busy, and walk my dog constantly.  Plus I will be super busy with uni assignments and revising for exams.

I went out to a club last night for my birthday and stayed up all night long so I am super tired right now.  I did go to the cinema and watched, 'Hall Pass.'  However I actually paid £6 to sleep through a movie. Pure awesome.  So that's the sleep I have had and I'm pure tired now.  Time to pack. Much love.
P.s got a gorge bag from New Look.  See it here ->
http://www.newlook.com/shop/womens/handbags-and-purses/patterned-tote-bag_218475907

 Feeling very happy.




DietCokePleasexxx

It's my birthday =D

Big 20. Goodbye teenage years....omg I can't do it, come back pleasee. I'm not ready to be mature yet. Bleh! Okay so I am 20 today and I tried to eat without guilt, but the screaming in my head almost made me cave. "Fat Bitch, go be sick now" constantly and things along those lines. It was hard to resist and I did. I shouldn't have but I did. I consumed about 900 cals all day today, maybe it will boost my metabolism. Fingers Crossed. Back to restricting tomorrow though, especially food because I will be on the drink to celebrate my birthday, because honestly a sunday night sucks. =/ I didn't have any cake thought because that is pushing it, but if I did I would have this one...

Please don't binge on my account- THIS CAKE WILL MAKE YOU FAT!!- DO NOT BINGE
DietCokePleasexxx

Out of Control

I seriously have no self control when I have company...why can't I be alone.  Soo news just in, just broke up with my boyfriend and he is still here.  He wants to finish the stay and since it was a nice breaking up, I of course agreed. why oh why? So food has been totally out of control lately, and I mean mega.  I have been puking my guts out in the cinema toilets, library toilets, shower and anywhere else handy.  I have eaten soo much that I just go on binges now because I say, 'fuck it' after eating one unhealthy thing.  I don;t even know the calories I have ate, probably a gazillion, thankfully I probably have only actually put a little to my thighs.  I can't even tell because I can't get my scales out to check! grrr please just go home! He is asleep now, but I don't think I could get them without waking him because they are hidden under my bench beside the bed. It's friggin stressing me out not knowing my weight. I just hope I've lost something, but deep down I know I haven't because I haven't the weak feeling in a while, a little dizzyness but not much.  Maybe that's what bulimia is like....? Who know's but it's awful having these binges...I want to restrict it feels safer and Im more comfortable with it, but I need to be alone...Goddammit!
Rant over....food does this to me.


DietCokePleasexxx

Im so Proud of myself!

As the title says I am quite proud of myself. My boyfriend took me to McDonalds - like I said before he eats like a pig- and I only had a salad and I only ate half! It wasn't even hard to watch him scoff his nuggets and chips. This is what I now think of McDonalds:

 I feel in a new mind set, no more bingeing and purging.  Just restricting.  Also my boyfriend is eating toffee popcorn right now, and I am sitting enjoying my water in the corner whilst I secretly post this.  Also he has chocolate stars and oreo's for later.  The oreo's are going to be hard to resist especially knowing its only 52cals per biscuit but I will resist because if I have one then I'l have more.  I usually am not all or nothing and can usually restrict to one but I am not going to let myself cave to even one this time.   Today's intake has been quite good.

Breakfast: Usual fruit and fibre cereal with skimmed milk-120cals
Snack: One slice of wholemeal bread with a little marmalade- 80cals
1/2 McDonalds Salad-60cals.

Total intake- 260cals


2.22am - Cannot sleep, I think I have had 3 hours of unrestful sleep grrr. I was soo tired so I don't know why.  Anyway I am awake and I thought I'd update.  I ate the rest of my salad so another 60cals, plus I had some sauce with it, that's about 20cals.  Then I just ate a yogurt 71cals.  Plus in my previous post I forgot to say that I had 2 more coffees. Lol can't forget good old coffee. 10cals.

New Total intake: 401cals.


I am okay with anything as long as it is under 500cals per day.  Bit shit since I was doing so well.  I am especially pleased I had a healthy 71cal yogurt over a 52cal oreo.

DietCokePleasexxx

Chemistry is more productive than sleep.

Ha okay I can't  fucking sleep.  Probably because I slept so late into the day.  Its 5.37am and I am still awake...awesome.  Eurgh! My boyfriend is coming at 2pm tomorrow (or today whatever) and I can't sleep during the day when he is here, how rude! Plus he travels quite far to see me. So I am going to be hyped on coffee all day.  My night has been very productive though, I have revised for my Chemistry exam, cleaned my room and sorted all my uni work out.  Fuck Yea!

Couldn't find a cool carton of a female scientist (totally sexist pfft) so thats it ^^^ Now for my shitty news.  After my last post I went for a lovely jog, and by jog I mean mostly walking. I am so unfit right now, but that will change because I'm training for a quarter marathon in October.  It will be my first and that is why it's only a quarter, besides I think I would keel over doing a full one.  Anyway back on point, after my jog I felt so damn good especially with my calorie intake.  Nooo fatty here had to scoff two egg and onion with mayo sandwich...but I got rid of this after, then literally ten minutes later I ate a whole packet of bacon flavoured supernoodles with two rounds of wholemeal bread. God was it good, and of course I got rid of this.  I don't really consider myself bulimic because I usually restrict mostly, but I caved.  I guess I was craving the carbs.  Anywho I am soo hungry right now, and I am filling up on water.  I am hoping sleep takes me so I can wake up in a few hours and then have my usual breakfast of fruit and fibre cereal and skimmed milk.

DietCokePlease xxx

The Bliss of Sleeping Pills

Only one way to explain my whole day- Holy Fucking Shit- Last night I took 4 herbal sleeping pills to help me with my sleep because it has been messed up lately, and by god did they work.  I dozed off around 2am and woke up at 6pm today.  Bright side I haven't been able to eat.  Downer, I am going to have to take more tonight to make me sleep at normal time.

So I made myself some dinner when I woke up, so I guess breakfast and dinner. Maybe brinner? lol.  I made myself 2 slices of wholemeal bread with about 70cals per slice.  Thats 140cals, with two egg whites, approx 30cals, light butter 5cals and a dollop of red sauce 5cals.  Oh and a cup of tea 5cals, plus I reckon I will have another cup later on. 5cals.  I am not going to eat anything else today so my total is 210cals.  For some reason this feels alot, probably because I have consumed it all in one sitting.

DietCokePlease xxx